Sometimes, I feel like running away just to see if you would follow.
Friday, August 6, 2010, 4:03 PM
Hi. And yes, uh, I'm blogging a proper post today. :) Btw! Uh, I'm aborting that uh, 30 day thing. I'm tired of it. Zzz. I'm really sorry to the people who wanna see them. But, I really don't have time to ponder about all these stuff. REALLY SORRY!
Anyway. Today was insane. I mean, yeah. IT WAS FREAKING HOT. I meant by the weather. Zzzz. And, idk how many times I screamed at that oldfolk la. Really cannot take it manszx. You want to talk to me like that, I'll give you back the EXACT same attitude. Arsehole.
So. Went to schl. And everything. And the stupid concert? Was boring ttm. Zzz. And, uh, idk what to say liao. Lol. Ya, then Jong, Nise and Von kept making the.... "glitters" on each other. Then I sit in front ma. I was like, "wthell, when your become kids one?" So wuliao. But, bty's even more lame la. Zzzzzz.
Then after that, uh... Zzz. I can't remember. Lol. Then after that, uh, went off to take bus home. I shouldn't have went home manszx, I mean, it only got me fucking annoyed. If he'd SHUT HIS FREAKING GAP UP, I wouldn't be so annoyed. I mean, he's freaking annoying la. Argh. Keep saying people idiot. He just don't understand how deep it's etched into someone's mind right?
FINE. I'M AN IDIOT. YOU HAPPY NOW? ASSHOLE. I HATE YOU TO THE CORE OKAY.
AND I CAN TELL YOU. I'M ANNOYED BY EVERYTHING THAT PEOPLE'S DOING. IDK WHY.
It's like, the things that we've done, it's all over. It's like life's over. It's as if, you've nothing left to live for. That's what I'm feeling now, and nobody will understand it until they feel it themselves. It's not a mere thought. It's the entire FEEL. I've had that thought for a long time now. Before any of it entered your brain. Let's just say, my mind works faster. And it's upgrading to become like an adult's.
But anyway. Somethings, can't be said. They're sealed in your mind, in your heart. You want to scream it out, yet you can't. I'm not talking about liking anybody. But. It's other things I'm talking about. But still. These things can't be told. In anyway.
Things that're etched into your mind, won't be taken away. Especially the ones that make you hurt. Because you hurted, because you know how it felt, it's hard to forgive and forget. And I'm not joking. Because somethings are etched into mine, and I know how it feels. No matter how much you want to toss it into the back of your mind, sometimes, life doesn't let you. Life DIGS out things that would definitely make you remember these things. Life doesn't let you off. And this is why life sucks. Because it's ruthless. And I really mean by ruthless, merciless.
I've had enough of everything. I really exhausted in the mind.
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Everything. When I say everything, I really do mean everything. Everything is about the war in your mind. It never stops. No matter how much you want it to end, it'll never stop. Because your mind, is the smartest thing in the world. And you've no idea what it can come up with. But, this stupid mind, will never stop, even if you command it to. Because your mind's the one that's controlling YOU. You can't control it.
That's my mind. No matter how much I want to draw back from sinking deeper into this hellhole, I can't. Because I've fallen too far in already. And the only way out, is to fight against my brain, and to have complete control, so that I won't feel that pain. But, the numbness, had already subsided. And everything's coming back to me. And I'm feeling helpless again.
And I'm not going to say anymore. I've revealed too much. I can't stop. I feel ashamed. I don't want people to know. But, I suppose, this is the only way out. I'm just going to press publish, and I'm not going to care about any comments that's made.
I've had enough.
Ps. Always remember. I've gotten it ten times harder than everyone of you.